so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
