So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
