so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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