Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
