Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
