Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
