I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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