dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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