My nipple is on Facebook.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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