I am in a vortex of obligation.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
