I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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