He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
