Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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