nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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