Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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