life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
