We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
