I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
they need to just BURY HIM!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
