The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
