5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
