I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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