Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I skipped work to stalk him.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
