Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
