I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
