is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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