new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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