God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
