I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
