I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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