You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
