she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
