It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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