You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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