Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
