If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
