Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
