Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
