she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
