Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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