Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
