Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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