Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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