What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
