Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
