i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
