am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
