he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
