im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
