that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
