I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
