somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
