using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
