one two three fourrrrnication!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
