Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
