He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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