I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
