nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
