saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
