tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize