I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
