turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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