You work out of a Hotel?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
