I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
