drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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