I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
