We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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