It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
