Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
