So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
