STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
