it was like his penis was on wheels.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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