Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she peed on how many people?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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