my phone needs a breathalizer
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
As shirtless as possible
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
